apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
