a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
