Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I wear drunk well.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
