you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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