Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
