i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
