so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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