i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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