Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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