My friends, they love my intelligence
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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