Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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