Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
