Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
