Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
