somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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