I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
just tell him i said nine months
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize