I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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