My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize