There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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