How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
