hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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