yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
