Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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