This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
