Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize