he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
pray to the hookup gods
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
