if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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