im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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