i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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