What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
