i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
