oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
