im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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