I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
