so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
