It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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