the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm having to shit out rocks
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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