sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize