I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize