We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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