But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
