i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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