Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
