ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
