ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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