i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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