i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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