Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
