Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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