I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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