Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just sent this text using only my big toe
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I smell like Dick and happiness
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
