...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
