I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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