he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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