I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize