K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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