please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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