I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
