So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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