you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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