so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
