so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
