you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
party gras won. party gras always wins.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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