I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
