Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
