Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
