i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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